notes on assertiveness

oaluz:

1. Be clear

• Say yes when you mean yes, no when you mean no, and maybe when you mean maybe. (Note that assertiveness means being clear, not necessarily sure.)
  
• Show your feelings, choices and agenda openly.
• Check out your fantasies, doubts, fears, and intuitions with those whom they concern.
• Tell people it is not acceptable for them to judge, hurt or blame you.

2. Ask for what you want

• Clear messages from others.
  
• Acknowledgement of your feelings.
• Nurturance, appreciation, and constructive criticism.

3. Take responsibility

• Accept others’ right to make assertions to you.
  
• Inquire of others about their feelings toward you.
• Acknowledge accountability for your feelings.
• Finish your emotional unfinished business directly with the people involved or in your own therapy.
• Admit your mistakes, oversights, and offenses, and make amends.

(David Richo, How to Be an Adult)